Zebedee:  The One Left Behind

Rev. Mark Porizky 

1/22/2006

Mark 1:14-20

Now after John was arrested, Jesus came to Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God, and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news.”

As Jesus passed along the Sea of Galilee , he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the sea—for they were fishermen.  And Jesus said to them, “Follow me and I will make you fish for people.”  And immediately they left their nets and followed him.  As he went a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John, who were in their boat mending the nets.  Immediately he called them; and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men, and followed him.

Neil Perry was a young man attending the exclusive Welton Academy in Vermont . He was a bright student whose father wanted him to become a doctor. Neil was not sure what he would like to do with his life but in dutiful obedience he conformed to his father's wishes by diligently applying himself to his pre-med academic studies.

However, Neil felt stifled. Inwardly his heart ached for something else but he was not sure what that something would be. Then he met John Keating, a brilliant Welton alumnus who earned the respect and admiration of the faculty. Keating had just graduated from college and was returning to Welton to teach poetry. Played by actor Robin Williams, John Keating does more than teach poetry in the popular movie, Dead Poet's Society. John Keating teaches Neil and his classmates how poetry can be used to discover and enrich their inner soul.

Keating calls them to step beyond the limitations and perceptions of their world. He persuades them through inspirational antics and much laughter, to loosen their school ties, to embrace the moment and enjoy life. Through his friendship the students discover a sense of self-autonomy and confidence. Neil learns that he has the heart of an actor not a doctor. He feels called to the stage not operating room. His father becomes enraged to learn of his son's decision. Neil's father insists that his son disavow any thought of a theatrical career and concentrate only on his academic studies. Torn between his inner call and the dictatorial demands of his father, Neil makes a tragic decision, and takes his own life. 

Zebedee, the father of James and John, may have been able to empathize with Neil's father. He had dreams for his sons. Ever since they were small boys Zebedee looked forward to the day that he would turn his fishing business over to them. They were good boys, they obeyed their father. They were hard workers and quick learners.

Zebedee knew that his son John was a dreamer. He loved to ask questions about God. John had a fascination with asking questions that no one else had thought about, sometimes the "what ifs," would get wearisome but the father never wanted to stifle his inquisitive mind. Zebedee may have hoped that by allowing his sons to spend time with that strange desert prophet, the one they called “The Baptist,” Zebedee hoped that some of that religious enthusiasm would get worked out of his system. However, the father was not sure if their brief stay in the wilderness had satisfied their zeal.  

After John had been arrested they both returned to their boats but they kept taking time to go and listen to a new rabbi from Nazareth . Most of the village had heard him teach in the synagogue. Zebedee himself had listened with great interest on one Sabbath. The man spoke with authority and had marvelous insight into the Law and the Prophets. His boys could not stop talking about him. Zebedee could see that their hearts were just not in their work

Then one day that man walked up to his sons and asked them to follow him. Father and sons all knew what that meant. They would abandon their boats. They would give up the security of a good income. They would become dependent on the generosity of others. His boys turned and looked into their father's eyes for guidance. What should they do? Would their father give them permission to pursue their dream or would he demand that they stay and fulfill their role as sons? 

The day that Jesus called his first disciples, James and John were not the only ones who had a choice to make. Zebedee, their father, also faced an important decision.  I read this story of James and John leaving their nets and their father to be with Jesus a bit differently as Joshua grows older, soon to leave our house.

Most Scripture readers today  tragically ignore Zebedee s struggle. Unconsciously we modern readers reject the notion of parental authority. We live in an age that values autonomy, the individual’s right to determine his or her own destiny. But those were not the values in Capernaum the day that Jesus recruited men to join his fellowship. The opinion of the father was honored. The sons were expected to follow in their father's footsteps. It made life easy; there were fewer decisions, fewer choices.

A child did not have to worry about having enough money to get an education. He was in school the day he learned to walk. A fortunate young person did not have to worry about raising investment capital, whatever belonged to the father belonged to the son. Zebedee would have rightfully assumed that he would pass on to his two sons his boats, his nets and his livelihood. He could have asked them to ignore the invitation by this new itinerate preacher. He could have asked them to choose a more practical career that offered greater security and less risk.  

Friends, some of what I have just said is pure speculation.  But it is built on premise that Mark recorded Zebedee by name.  Because of that he was well-known throughout the early church, by name. Simon and Andrew were probably not fishing alone but no one from their boat is mentioned by name. The names of their parents are not recorded in Scripture.  Nor are the family names of the other disciples mentioned.  

And later we learn that Zebedee’s wife kept in touch with her sons and tried to secure for them a promotion, asking to have her sons sit at Jesus’ right and left in the coming Kingdom. While Jesus reprimanded her at the time, I believe that Mark would not have recorded it unless both the mother and her sons and learned form the situation. They may have even become models of humility and servitude.

For me this evidence appears to suggest the possibility that the parents of James and John were members of the first century church. Rather than disinherit them, or prevent them from making a hasty decision, Zebedee may have offered to his sons the emotional and financial support that earned him the respect and admiration of the first century church.  Zebedee, in my opinion, is named because he supported James and John in their zeal and mission to be Jesus’ disciples, even if it may have been to the detriment of his own hopes and dreams.  What Zebedee offered his children must have been difficult for him.  Zebedee, despite the loss of his sons to his fishing business, offered them his blessing. 

 I pondered this thought of how to support our children in the decisions they make because of an article I just read in my subscription to Christianity Today.  The article is about a former football player who is now a prison chaplain.  When this chaplain asked what is the one common denominator among the men on death row, he doesn’t hesitate to answer.  He says that that the men come from all race, creed and color, every economic background possible (though he concedes the poor are over represented.)  But this chaplain says that the on common denominator is the lack of a father’s blessing.  Most men on death row love their mothers.  However, most don’t know, or aren’t in any type of contact, with their fathers.  Most have never known their father’s, and have certainly never had their father’s blessing.

I have a son who will be leaving our home in 3 ½ years.  I’m not ready.  And I will have to really start to “get a life” once Joshua graduates and moves on to college, assuming he wants what I want...for him to go to college.  I do believe, however, that he needs now, and will continue to need,  my blessing. 

What are the qualities of a parent’s blessing.  Father or mother?   

The first quality of blessing for an older child is TO LET GO, TO LET GO.  

The most obvious struggle that any parent has is the struggle to let go. It is difficult for a parent to release their children. Although the tension between parent and teen often makes it much easier, a parent naturally wants to hold onto their baby. Parents rightfully feel a sense of ownership with their children. They brought them into the world. Children are a gift of God but they owe their biological existence to their parents. That biological connection becomes the source of a very powerful emotional bond. The first cord is cut on the first day of school. When mom says goodbye for a few hours. It is not the time of separation that bothers mom but the realization that her baby is growing up and is no longer dependant on her.  

Sometimes parents struggle to let go. They do not allow their child to develop his or her own unique identity. They place an emotional lien on their child and send the compromising message, "Go if you must, but if you do, I'll die." The challenge for every parent is releasing their child in order that she or he may learn to fly.

Two dads were talking at work about their children. One of them was lamenting over the travels of his daughter. She decided to drop out of college and spend a year traveling with friends throughout South America . To date she contracted dengue fever in Ecuador and had her backpack stolen in Bogota . She met several men in Rio and the one she has fallen in love with has joined the group. She has run out of money twice and they have had to deposit money in her local bank twice. "You raise them to be independent, self-reliant, and to think for themselves," the one dad says, "and then you spend the rest of your life worrying while they do it"

This leads to the second part of a parent’s blessing, ACCEPTING THEIR CHOICES, ACCEPTING THEIR CHOICES.

The second struggle for any parent is to accept their child's career choice. “My _son, the doctor” and “my daughter, the lawyer” are status phrases that parents use to link their children’s choices with prestige, money, and power. We may shake our heads over Neil Perry's father pushing him to pursue a career in medicine, but it is difficult to resist the temptation to prod or encourage our offspring into vocations that would enhance their social status. One author writes: “We worship at the altar of professionalism, undervalue the acquisition of useful skills, deride blue-collar and service occupations as not worthy of our children's talents, and/or project onto them our own unrealized ambitions.  

One father admitted that when his daughter took a job repairing Birkenstocks he was too embarrassed to tell his mother. This woman had predicted that her granddaughter would be the first woman chief justice after the young girl had won a high school debate. This dad told his mom that his daughter had taken a position in "apparel merchandising." Later a friend admitted telling co-workers that his son was in the medical field after the boy was hired to be a hospital orderly.  

The struggle to accept the career path of our children is understandable. We have invested a lot of time—I did not spend all those hours on the ball field to raise an interior decorator. Parents spend a lot of money on their children's education. You want more to show for it than their dishpan hands. Would I truly be overjoyed if Joshua told me he was going to be a missionary in Guatemala ?  For a week, sure.  For a lifetime?  Often we want our children to be happy, but we want them to be happy the way we would be happy. There comes a point when we simply have to accept their choices. 

On the day that James and John walked away from their nets, Zebedee had to accept the choice they made.  It may not have been his choice, but it was an honorable choice. 

Finally, we can give our children our blessing when we are confident that WE DID OUR BEST, WE DID OUR BEST.

What do you think Zebedee thought about when rumors came to him about the confrontations between Jesus and the religious authorities? How do you think he handled the twisting in his stomach when he heard that the Pharisees wanted to kill Jesus? Like any parent he wondered if he had done the right thing. He probably wondered if he had made the right decision.  

The second struggle of discipleship for any parent is accepting that you did you best. The bad news is that we do not always have a second chance.  The good news is that even if you were not June Cleaver or Maria Van Trapp you need to remind yourself that you did you best.  The sociologist Bruno Bettleheim coined the term “good enough parenting.”    What he meant was that most parents are a mixture of both strengths and weaknesses.  Sometimes we respond to our children with wisdom and clarity of mind, to share feelings of love and support.

And then there are those times when the baggage of our own hurts gets in the way. We are short tempered, judgmental, uncooperative, and self centered; the Dr Jekell and Mr. Hyde complex rages within us. We make mistakes and say things that we regret. We make decisions that do not consider the needs or interests of others. Conflict develops and relationships become strained and even broken. We all have experiences that we would like to relive but we can never go back. Even if we did, we would have no guarantee that we would do things any differently.

 In Los Angeles on vacation after Christmas, I was watching TV one morning before Joshua and my mom woke up, I saw a TV interview with a woman who was being described as a heroic mother.  She had single-handedly raised a large family. In spite of all the frustrations, disappointments and obstacles, she had persevered and every one of her children had made remarkable achievements, not only in their schooling but also in their vocation. It was an inspiring story worth celebrating, for it revealed the heights and depths of human greatness. During the interview, the mother was asked her secret by the reporter who said, 'I suppose you loved all your children equally, making sure that all got the same treatment?'

I was surprised because the mother answered something like this:  'I loved them. I loved them all, each one of them, but not equally. I loved the one the most that was down until he was up. I loved the one the most that was weak until she was strong. I loved the one the most that was hurt until he was healed. I loved the one the most that was lost until she was found."'

That, I believe is doing the best we can.  Isn't that what we say to our children when they are growing up, it doesn't matter if your team wins or loses, just make sure you did the best that you could. It doesn't matter if you get straight A's, just do your best. 

Sometimes we need to say those very words to ourselves.

James and John are always celebrated for the courage to leave.  Today I want to give thanks to the one who is left behind.  To Zebedee.  The one I think the church remembered by name for his blessing to his children, for letting go, accepting choices, and doing the best that he could. 

How blessed we are if we can say the same.

Will you pray with me now?

St. Andrew Presbyterian Church, Groton , CT

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