Defining Christian Marriage
Rev Dr Mark Porizky
8/20/06
Throughout the book of Ephesians Paul has been
talking about unity; now he brings it down to the most practical level
possible—unity in the home, unity in the family.
Be
subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives,
be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of
which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so
also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.
This passage of Scripture rarely fails to elicit a
strong reaction, mainly because it is often misrepresented (or misinterpreted)
by people on all sides of the theological spectrum.
When I was in college, working for a Presbyterian Church near UCLA, I was
in worship and today's text, Ephesians 5:22-33, was one of the lectionary
readings for the day. The pastor read this passage without comment. (His sermon,
preached later in the service, was on another scripture and topic.)
The next morning, at the staff meeting, we were given a note that had
been placed in the offering basket. It said something along the lines of,
"I am offended that you chose to read a text used for centuries to
perpetuate the oppression of women and deny them their rightful place in
society."
I assume the person who wrote this note took offense, primarily, at the
words "be subject to” in verse 22.
So the first thing I want to accomplish this morning is put this passage
in a proper historical context. The main focus of this passage is not the role
of the woman; it is the role of the man. Anyone who thinks Ephesians 5 is just
about a wife submitting to her husband is missing the point. It's primarily
about the husband's role. Paul
mentions one thing the wife needs to do, and that's always the bone of
contention. However, I NEVER hear a
peep about how a man is supposed to make his wife holy and blameless.
Not from men. And not from
women.
But I digress.
Many people think that Christianity, especially conservative
Christianity, seeks to limit the role and status of women in society. In the
early church, however, this was not the case.
Consider the non-Christian culture in which Paul's words were written.
Many of the following conditions prevailed at one time or another in the first
century: Women could not hold office and in most cases could not own property. A
woman could not testify in court. A woman could not divorce her husband, but a
man could divorce his wife on a whim, say she burnt his dinner.
This a man could do without any subsequent financial obligation to her.
A woman could have only one husband, but a man could have as many wives
as he could afford. The first born son was given full rights of inheritance to
his father's estate, even if the first-born son had half a dozen older sisters.
A woman was not even free to choose her own religion; it was expected that she
would adopt the religion of her husband.
Scripture, the Old Testament, is quite clear on this lack of mutuality.
Let’s read the 10th Commandment in Exodus chapter 20, verse
17: “You
shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s
wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to
your neighbor.”
Women, just ahead of slaves and donkeys...but behind the house.
While traditions varied from place to place in the Roman world, this more
or less was first century Roman-Judeo culture, and into this environment the
church was born. On the very first day in the history of the church, Peter
announced to all those listening that God was pouring out his spirit and, he
said, "Your sons and your daughters will prophecy." What is that? Did
he say women would prophecy? Yes, he did.
Later the apostle Paul wrote... There is no
longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female, but all are one in Christ
Jesus (Galatians 3:28).
In those days such an idea was outrageous: What is this new religion
called Christianity that is giving such rights and privileges to women? It's
scandalous!
You cannot read the New Testament exclusively with 21st century eyes. In
order to understand Scripture's meaning and relevance in our time, we must
understand its meaning and relevance in the time in which it was written.
Here's a modern example. Imagine if today someone were to write about
civil rights using terms such as "colored" and "negro" and
saying things such as, "I believe the negro should be allowed to sit at the
front of the bus and should be allowed to eat in any restaurant they
choose." If someone were to write such things today it would sound
offensive and demeaning. Fifty years ago, however, it was cutting edge, because
civil rights for African Americans were non-existent.
In the same way, Paul's words must be interpreted in the context in which
they were written. Today they seem
slightly antiquated, but those words when they were written were the most
cutting edge understanding of marriage available.
Now, with that in mind, let's take a look at what he says for this
text is Scripture and I believe it has something to say to us about marriage and
its definitions.
One
of the things I have learned is that God does have a plan for marriage. But
unfortunately when people try to articulate this plan they often end up
proclaiming their view or the culture's view of marriage instead of God's. Many
people believe that God has a plan for marriage but when they search for that
plan they unwillingly read their own view into the Bible.
The traditional view that "the man is the head of the
household" often ignores the fact that this passage begins by telling both
husband and wife to submit to each other. At the same time those who react
against the traditional view often end up espousing a partnership as the model
for marriage. Partnership is nothing more than a late twentieth century
invention. And it is based on ideals of individual rights, not Christian ideals
of servanthood.
I
have learned that God has a plan for marriage but I have also learned that there
are many plans for marriage. There are as many different understandings of
marriage as there are peoples and times. In Colonial America you can see that
marriages were often times a way for a husband to get domestic help and heirs.
In the 21st Century marriage is ideally an expression of romantic
love and personal dedication.
Even in the pages of the Bible there are different understandings of
marriage. The Old Testament Patriarchs like Father Abraham had more than one
wife. Yet in the New Testament the ideal is that a man should be husband to one
wife. The question is which plan for marriage is God's plan? There are many
definitions for marriage, which is the Christian one?
I believe that the Christian definition of marriage is outlined in this
passage of the Ephesians. Paul begins by saying, "Be subject to one another
out reverence for Christ." Be subject to one another. This is the heading
under which the rest of the discourse is written. It doesn't say merely wives be
subject to your husband. It is a mutual subjection. It doesn't say "be
equal partners." "Partnership" is a modern concept based on
individual liberties. Under the partnership concept each person has a vote. If
their vote is not counted then their liberties have been denied. Being subject
to one another does not mean you act like one another’s equals. It means you
act like one another's slaves. "Mutual subjection" is more like Chip
and Dale, "You first. "No you." "Oh I wouldn't dream of it.
You go first."
But
Paul's opening sentence doesn't just say, "be subject to one another."
It says be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Every Christian
definition proceeds from and returns to Jesus. So does the Christian definition
of Marriage. This mutual subjection Paul speaks of is not something we do simply
out of obedience. It is something done out of love, it is an act of worship.
Because we are Christians and we are in Christ we subject ourselves to one
another.
Now
you may say, "Well, Mark, in the next verse it says wives be subject to
your husbands. But it doesn't say husbands be subject to your wives. All it says
if that we should love them."
Granted.
But if you take that line of reasoning then men are in big trouble
because notice that the text doesn't say that wives should love their husbands,
just be subject to them. However, I
think we would all agree that love is likely implied, that it was understood in
light of all that had been written that women should ALSO love their husbands.
And
I feel the same way about being subject too.
It is implied. If husbands
want love, they should be subject to their wives, which is really what verse 21
says anyway. It is, and for
Christians always has been, a two-way street.
The
love that Paul is talking about here is not just love as the world thinks of
love. In the world people say, "I love your car. I want it." It
connotes merely a desire for something or someone. Paul says, "Husband's
love your wives as Christ loves the church." So how does Christ love the
church? By dying for the church.
Jesus loves by giving himself up to death.
The
Christian definition of marriage is basically that we love one another as Christ
loved us. That love is a sacrificial love, it is a love that serves. Husbands,
when was the last time you loved your wife by serving her? Wives
when was the last time you loved your husband by sacrificing for him? That
is what love in Christ is all about, service and sacrifice. And a Christian
marriage is a relationship of trust where both parties submit to, serve and
sacrifice for the other. Ideally the Christian Marriage is the best example of
the love that God calls us to.
Now
if you are waiting for me to tell you who balances the checkbooks, or who makes
the decisions, you have missed the whole point. I don't think the Bible tells us
who should mow the yard, or who should pick up the children from soccer
practice. God only tells us the most important things and expects us to trust
him to guide us through the rest.
But it does tell us who is in charge in a Christian marriage. And it’s
not the husband! At the head of any Christian marriage is Jesus. If Christ is at
the head, then all the other details can be worked out.
In 1988, the Harry S. Truman Library in Independence, MO, made public
1,300 recently discovered letters that the late President wrote to his wife,
Bess, over the course of a half-century. Mr. Truman had a lifelong rule of
writing to his wife every day they were apart. He followed this rule whenever he
was away on official business or whenever Bess left Washington to visit her
beloved Independence.
Scholars immediately began to examine the letters for any new light they
may throw on political and diplomatic history. Little
was found. For the most part
scholars were most impressed by the simple fact that every day he was away, the
President of the United States took time out from his dealing with the world’s
most powerful leaders to sit down and write a letter to his wife.
Be Subject to One Another. Christ
is the head of the household. This
is the guideline for defining a Christian marriage.
The rest? The rest is
details.
Will you pay with me now?
St.
Andrew Presbyterian Church,
Web Site: SAPC-CT.HOME.ATT.NET
Office Email: SAPC-CT@ATT.NET
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